Anyone who follows me knows I am a Writer. Anyone who knows me knows this is my number one dream to accomplish. Anyone who TRULY knows me knows that I have not stopped in my writing dreams. Yes, I’ve had slips where I’ve paused in writing or I have had months on end where I reevaluate everything about my dreams. But I have always come back to it. For the longest time after I had my son, I was told I wasn’t allowed to be a writer due to being a mom. I was supposed to work and take care of him and the only person I was allowed to be was a mom.
That’s not how the world works though, it isn’t what life is meant to be like. You aren’t supposed to give up your self-identity just because you have a kid. I took a lot of history in highschool (who didn’t?) and realized that the women who stayed home and raised kids were desperate women. They were women who were lonely and unable to do anything until we started making lives for ourselves, voices for ourselves. Once we started speaking out, life for women began to change. So, just because we have a kid, why does it mean we have to revert back to what it used to be? Silent, working, raising a kid, and that’s it. Life isn’t meant to be that way and honestly, if you think a woman is only good enough to raise a child, just don’t even bother coming around me.
It took me a really long time to come to terms with who I am. I am not just a mom, despite what society seems to think. I am not just somebody who popped out a kid and has nothing going for her because she stays home. In this day and age, society puts labels on everyone and everything. It doesn’t matter what you do in life or how you look, there is always some kind of label to put us down and remind us we are never going to be picture perfect. Which absolutely sucks honestly.
I was 17 when I had my son. Instant dislike by many for being a teen mom. In reality, I look like I am 15, possibly 17, on a good day if I am lucky. My son is now 5 and I still look like that young teenager who popped him out. I still get looks when I go to the grocery store. At the summer fair last year, I was even called his sister. While for many of you this would be a blessing, it is absolutely annoying. I get questioned when I go into a store alone, I get told off for reprimanding my own son in public. And the worst yet? My mother-in-law gets acted like she’s my son’s mother. We went to a restaurant a few weeks ago and they treated her like she was his mother, though I was sitting in between her and my son, asking things for my son, and tending to him because he’s my son. I do not like being treated like I am his sister and for this, I think looking young right now is a curse. While you might worship the idea of looking younger, step into my shoes one day, and be criticized for everything you do simply because of how you look. It is not a blessing, it is an absolute nightmare. I hate going into public for that very reasoning.
But I digress, this was not meant to be a rant about looks or being called my son’s sister. This is about chasing your dreams and making them happen.
My biggest dream is so simple to pinpoint as I have said it so many times in this already, as well as several times a day for those who follow me elsewhere. Anyone who follows me know I want to be an author. I breathe, live, dream, eat, and talk W R I T I N G. I am a Writer. I am an Author. I have been writing since I was age 4 – my mother even told me I taught myself how to write and have been writing stories ever since then. It is who I am, in my blood. I went a while without writing and lost touch of who I was without it. For a near year, I didn’t touch any basis of writing and I barely remember that year at all. I can’t exactly pinpoint if the entire reasoning was because I didn’t write but I do know it played a huge factor in it. When I write, everything feels better. I feel better as a person. I have depression and anxiety and no, I don’t self diagnose. I have been professionally diagnosed multiple times in my life, the most recent was April 2018. My depression and anxiety make it hard to do things in life, especially when I have my really bad days. Writing helps keep it in check, it’s like an antidepressant of itself in a way. While it does not cure my depression or anxiety, it helps a lot to keep better control of it.
On May 8, 2019 – I finished writing my first ever novel. I have a novella written and completed, but this is an actual novel.
206 pages, 41 chapters, and a total of 80,524 words. This is only the rough draft of course, but having it completed fulfills this empty space inside me. I can’t explain it. When I wrote that last sentence, I just felt this buzz of excitement that had me nearly flying through the house. I always handwrite before typing up, so the typed up version is an edited version, but still not the edited version.
This story has taken me since 2011 to write and 6 different editions to write. There were times I actually wanted to give up on it, times where it just didn’t seem possible to finish. I have worked so hard on this novel and been back and forth with it. It had driven me practically insane, desperate to finish it. I don’t know what got into me these past couple months, but I couldn’t stop writing and I am so glad I didn’t. I have never felt this amount of accomplishment ever, not even when in school and finishing essays or anything.
I have also found an editor, to do some of it. After that, I will need to figure out the rest. I have found an amazing book cover artist, but things like that cost money. Money I don’t have to just pool out. Why must all the good things end up in dollar signs?
Life isn’t easy, chasing your dreams isn’t easy. In this type of world these days, it’s near impossible to chase dreams unless you have an abundance of money to spare and no worries on hand for that. But as I said, it’s near impossible, but it isn’t entirely impossible. I am living proof of it not being nearly impossible.
Being an artist of any kind is about the worst dream someone could have. It’s made even more difficult when it’s the hardest dream to acquire. But I have my calling and that’s writing (though putting my own emotions into something like this isn’t exactly easy, then again it is completely different than writing in the fiction world). These days, anyone can write a book and that’s what makes it even more of a difficult dream to acquire. I have been told by even authors themselves that I do, in fact, have talent for writing. But when I see these crude books on Amazon being published and bought, it makes me consider my dream. Writing is what I am meant to do, but it isn’t for everyone and sometimes, I wish others would see this. Just because you string a sentence together with a bunch of words and make a story doesn’t make you a Writer automatically. It takes work, dedication, and true talent to be one. I don’t say this to be mean, but there are those stories out there that have words misspelt every other word, fractured sentences, plot holes missing giant bits of the story, and the worst (and my biggest pet peeve of all) it just doesn’t make sense. I get that english isn’t everyone’s first language, but if you can’t even take the time or energy to get the book edited before publishing, how can you call yourself an author? In my opinion, though it probably doesn’t even matter as I am just a small town girl, if you think writing a book and publishing instantly is going to get you anywhere, think again.
And stop making it harder for the actual artists in the world.
Again, I keep slipping from what I had started to talk about.
Life as an Author, becoming an author, is expensive in areas. For me, anyways. You might just wave off the costs, not care much as it wouldn’t mean a lot to you. But for me, it isn’t easy just to give up things to pay for it. Bills are tight as is, we play around with them every week to pay what we can. While we aren’t tip top shape, we are doing okay. And with that, I have figured out that I am going to run my businesses for me. This means, while I will be saving up for vacation next year, and dishing out some now and then for my son, I will also be setting aside money to pay for editing and my covers and most likely, advertisement once it’s all published said and done.
Yes, I have rounded this post out to show my businesses. But honestly, this is how my life is. I work from home to provide for my family, of which we have finally become stable enough for me to veer off a bit. These businesses, plus my writing, enable me to stay home and care for my son. I don’t have to miss a single day of his life, I get to see every milestone he makes as his mother. I missed too much when he was a baby as was and I don’t ever want to again. I am working so hard to ensure I don’t miss anything every again.
Here is what I do from home:
- Writing – Author
- Country Scents Candles:
💯 soy and handmade candles + home decor
💯all natural bath and body works – cruelty free + cleaning supplies
Follow me to learn more of my businesses:
Twitter – @MamaKrisLov3
I will also be setting up business blogs soon.